Done With It

Done With It_KrsnaKnows

I am done with it, God! I am fed up and I don’t want to go through this life again.

Well, what is happening now?

I am tired of taking this shit every single time and I don’t want to go through this anymore.

I don’t get it. You are talking about your married life, right?

You know it all and yet you are asking about it? Yes, I am talking about my marriage only.

But aren’t you the one who said that he is the perfect match for me?

Yes, but that was years ago. When we were dating, I knew he was my dream man. Now everything has changed.

Let me refresh your memory, you came to me about this at least five or six times, isn’t it?

Yes. But I thought I should give him one more chance to change. But that’s not happening anymore.

Why do you think so? Maybe he needs a few more chances?

Are you joking? He is not going to change. He behaves exactly the same way as before.

But doesn’t he apologize for raising his hands on you?

Yes, every single time, he apologizes but forgets about it soon. He has beaten me so badly this time.

What is the difference between every beating you have got? Haven’t you been getting used to it?

What nonsense are you talking, God? He raises his hands, period!

That’s exactly what I am saying. Why did you allow him in the first place to do that heinous act? You should have stopped him then!

I was immature and weak. I believed it was my fault alone. He raised his hands and immediately said sorry. I let it go.

Wasn’t that the first mistake you did? So why allow him the second time? And the third and then continue with it?

I always thought he will change and be his loving self like before! But he hasn’t changed at all.

But why did you go back to him again and again?

How am I to say why I went? I don’t know. Don’t badger me like that, God!

I am not badgering you. I am just asking you the reasons.

I honestly don’t know, why I did that? Maybe I was afraid. Maybe I loved him a lot. Or I might have been crazy about him. I don’t know.

Let me remind you about it. The second time it happened, you told him that you are pregnant so he stopped.

Yes, I remember that. Then it was baby which couldn’t allow me to abandon him. You are right God!

Every single time you have given some silly and stupid reasons to go back to him.

You know that. It was all about my fears and inadequacies. I was afraid.

What were you afraid about?

That he will leave me and go. I have his baby and who will look after her! I was constantly reminded about my elder sister who came back from her marriage. She went through hell and still suffering.

So you didn’t want to suffer like that so you took the easy way out of going back to him.

Also, I thought what will my kid say to others, that she doesn’t have a father? I didn’t want to deny her that. I acted in good faith.

And jeopardized your entire life? How stupid you can be? Now tell me what do you want me to do?

Help him get better. Make him love me like before. I just want him to be kind and loving towards me again. You know he is not a bad man. Just show him the right path!

Ha, ha, ha, ha! You are really naive or absolutely mad.

What do you mean? Am I asking for too much from you, God? It’s just a simple ask.

You are not going to solve this problem any way. You still are asking to go back to him, how stupid can you be?

Then what am I to do? Do you think that it is easy for me? I am the one who is suffering all his atrocities.

That’s what I said. You are the sufferer and the martyr too. When will it get drilled into your head that he is not going to change?

Then what am I to do?

You change. Why are you asking for his change in behavior? You have to address your problem first. You are the one who needs to change.

But how is that possible? What can I do? I am not able to at this age.

That’s how losers talk. You are quite capable of anything. You can decide to change and nothing will stop you. On the contrary, my universe will work with you.

How am I to do that? Help me please.

First you must decide once and for all that this is it! I am not going back anymore. Then take matters into your own hands and move on. Don’t look back.

God, isn’t it against the religion? What life will I give my child? Doesn’t she need a father? What about money? Where will I stay? What will happen to us? I can’t take such risks.

See, I knew that. You can never take a stand. You are useless. Make up your mind, woman! Stop whining and start acting. You need your freedom. So what if you have to go through a little discomfort in life?

But I am not ready for it. Let me try once more. I will love him more than before. He will change. I am sure, he will. Let’s give him another chance.

There you go again. What can I say? Remember it’s YOU WHO HAS TO CHANGE! Not him. You don’t trust me and the God inside of you.

Next time I will surely do the needful. This time you let him be, God. I am sure things will work out. I have full faith in you.

It’s no use. You have already convinced yourself that there will be next time. So he won’t change. Alright. You go back and try once again.

Yes. I want to do that.

Get more beaten up and come once again. I will wait for you! Good bye. Come back soon! Hope you decide then……

Image Credit: Pixabay

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