Should I remain single or should I marry? Often people ask me whether I am advocating marriage or to remain single? As a spiritual being I cannot advocate anything or something at all. But since I am addressing normal human beings who live in the world in a very normal manner, I have to talk to them alone. My spiritual discussion should not be construed wrongly here.
Now every man can get married to whomsoever they feel comfortable with. In our society today everyone has their own choices based on their personal preferences so I am not here to condone anyone for whatever leanings they may have. Marriage is a sacred human bond of oneness which calls for living in harmony with that individual with whom you legally tie yourself in. It’s not that humans don’t have a disagreement but living in harmony is of prime importance for better development of the bond.
See here, I wrote the word bond and it surely talks of being bound to that human or in bondage with that individual in the worldly and purely legal sense of the word.
Marriage is a bound contract which cannot be revoked at whim and fancy. Though in some places its validity can be under question by only utterances. Let’s not get there since it is a touchy topic to some people. Now let’s see our marriages alone. You signed a legal contract and you are bound to honor it come what may. You can nullify the same by purely legal process. So if you have decided to end it why did you get into it in the first place. No man gets into marriage to end it. Sometimes people sign another contract for legal ownership purposes and they call it prenup.
Marriage is a solemn ceremony for multiple purposes. Primarily it is for companionship and progeny. Later it is serves other purposes like sex, relationship, financial security and so on. So why would you be interested in marriage? It could be one of the above reasons. It is important to maintain harmony and peace in marriage by keeping the ego aside. When expectations and unfulfilled desires come in then the marriage gets sour. It has to be towards greater good in this world. Equality of status is aspirational in marriage and it hardly materializes. So man should get into marriage with all these riders in mind. So if you can brave all these things which are bound to sour up soon enough, get married. Remember there are no perfect marriages or relationships, so do not have too many expectations out of any of those.
Now for those who wish to live single. They have the choice to stay aloof or get entangled in a relationship but they may prefer non binding contract. The idea about non binding contract is extremely flimsy since most people want the security of the legal marriage. The insecurity which one faces in an open relationship is too dangerous for either of them. Trust and faith are the pillars on which relationship are based but making them much more durable by legal binding is proving yourself that you cannot trust yourself or the other individual. Single folks are happier if they have other extra curricular activities like travel, trekking, painting or any other. Since they can expend themselves and create a healthy relationship with their inner child.
So of the two I would recommend for people who need freedom to stay away from legal contracts like marriage! For those weak souls who need the comfort and security of legality they should indulge in a binding contract like marriage. So I am open to either and wouldn’t close doors for any of my disciples.
Now for those who need spiritual guidance. Those who are already hooked should learn under an able Guru the meaning of the words dispassion and detachment and start following the prescribed path. Those who are free can consider to wait and watch what destiny has in store for them. Never reject the offerings of destiny and get your ego in the way. Remember that whatever destiny has deemed fit for you will happen.
Only for an advanced devotees, can the Guru take over the destiny and nullify it by absorbing. He will cushion the impact for his dearest devotee. Take the case of Rakhal or Swami Brahmananda, who didn’t want to marry but wanted to be with Sri Ramakrishna Paramhamsa. He lost his wife very early and was then free to join Ramakrishnaji. Such grace is only showered on the very dearest ones.
The rest are free to follow the above mentioned prescribed path and take destiny in stride.
So to sum it all for you, I would surely recommend marriage for those who have many desires and are willing to compromise their freedom. Then for those who don’t want to give up their freedom they may remain single. Lastly, those who wish to follow spiritually should proceed from where they are currently under the able guidance of their Guru and let him drive their destiny around by surrendering at the Gurus feet.
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